Freedom & The Way Things Are

I was recently asked to ask myself this question: “Do I think there is any freedom for me in allowing things to be just as they are?”

I assume this means what if I tried to…

-Stop trying to fix intractable health problems in the family.

-Stop trying to change things the way they are and re-engage and be satisfied with what I have going on or within reach.

-Stop trying to smother or get around emotions that sneak up on me, emotions I have not experienced before, like loneliness.

-Stop thinking maybe I should retreat and try to re-live wonderful events in the past that are today just memories.

Overall, I interpret the question as: What if I just ‘cooled it’ and went with the flow, enjoyed, or at least accepted as O.K., the now, the present moment as it is coming to me. Meditation books and CDs advocate concentration on a single item: Breathing. Follow the breath. Why the breath? Certainly breathing is NOW. And it’s handy—always available (one hopes). If I can focus on my breath—innnn…..outttttt. Innnn….outtt for a spell— during that period I am not thinking about yesterday or tomorrow. So I am in the present moment. As I allow or accept things to be simply what/as they are, then I am not worrying about the next moment…and the next one….and….

My reaction to all this is that certainly I would have less on my mind, were I to take things as they are. But I am not sure I could handle the idleness, the void created by not worrying, wanting, wishing….and trying to fix/control things that are, as I have tended to do for a lot of years.

Of course, there might be some benefits. Were I to pry open some “freedom for me,” doing so might provide space for a modicum of creative activity, which right now is as low as it has ever been for me. I am not writing, starting a business, working on a photo project, learning anything new, "saving" any islands or lakes, or doing a project that is useful to others. I have idled down to near zero RPM.

Freedom might also lead to my putting less pressure on myself to fix things that I should recognize by now simply are not fixable or reversible or stoppable. I am, at best, a spectator to family health challenges, my own aging, to my friends’ aging and ailing, and even to the unfolding lives of my own children and grandchildren.

I am and have been pretty much a thinking machine, and I have no complaints or regrets. I have always planned ahead and worked to make desired things happen. I have tried to control, or at least influence, my destiny. And I have lived a fairytale life until recent times. Now, at best, I make feeble attempts to “affect the quality of each day,” per Henry David Thoreau. But now…..  Maybe more freedom (by recognizing and accepting what is reality NOW) could open some space for fresh experiences unfamiliar to me. Maybe.